Through Their Eyes.

I can't imagine what it must be like to be a student in an urban school.

Today was quite possibly the worst day since I've been here. It wasn't because of anything the kids did, though. I think it just got to me how bad of an experience in school they have, and how they are getting cheated out of actual learning. I felt bad for them all day. I was sad for them, and wanted so badly to apologize to them all for the way the adults here treat them.

This is what my students' day looked like today:

• 8.05-8.30 Word Study
• 8.35-9.20 Resource - Gym
• Wait. Actually, they were there for 10 minutes, then the whole class was marched back to our room (so I couldn't do any work) and was told to sit in silence by the resource teacher and write sentences about how they will follow directions.
• 9.20-10.30 Reading
• I wasn't here most of the time because I had to be in a meeting about one of our students with serious behavior and academic problems.
• 10.30-11.55 School Psychologist's Visit. 
• Right before this happened, the person across the hall sent three kids into our classroom because they were in trouble. They were told to sit there and do math work.
• Within 5 minutes the psychologist had sent three kids away and yelled at the rest of them for talking... which, of course, they did more of. It was not pretty. So basically they were in trouble this whole time too.
• 11.55-12.15 Recess
• My co-teacher kept 20 of the kids in to do homework they didn't do. Fair enough. The three kids from the other classroom, she told to keep working even though they had been told they could go to recess. Of course, they start yelling, refusing to work, and cussing.
• 12.15-12.30 Lunch
• The kids got yelled at by the lunch lady the whole time. Two of them got in a physical fight, they got yelled at some more, and they came into my class 15 minutes late because of lunch.
• 12.45-2.00 Math
• Up until this point, the kids have basically been yelled at and in trouble the whole day.
• The kids from across the hall got sent back with no work, so they started yelling and cussing at my students. My co-teacher told all the other teachers in the hall that they could definitely send misbehaving students to our class because "I'll (read: she will) take care of them." Except she wasn't there to do anything, and because of the shape of our classroom, I couldn't see where the other kids were. Kids were coming in and out of my door because my co-teacher told them to come in here, they were sitting in the doorway, my students are freaking out because they can't concentrate with all the commotion.
• My one new kid, Bonnie (I realize I never wrote about this awesome kid...) is running in and out of the door like she always does after lunch.
• The mother of one of the kids who got in the fight comes in and asks me to fill out a behavior evaluation for him because she's taking him in to get checked up immediately. I'm trying to deal with her and teach, my kids are confused, the other kids are making tons of noise, and this whole time, my Johns Hopkins advisor is sitting in the back watching me and taking notes.
• 2.15-2.45 Science
• We pushed on through science even though everyone had a rough time during math. Everyone is still freaking out about the way the whole day has gone, and all I can think about is how much of their day was wasted today by teachers yelling and not actually working with them. 

I honestly think the only time today they were actually learning was for the two hours they had after lunch, and even that was a struggle. At the end, I looked through their little exit tickets (they're like little quizzes) and only half of them got what we were working on today.

I'll re-teach it tomorrow.

What a ridiculous day. I hate adults sometimes. Is there anyone that can treat these kids like people and not like things to just order around? Maybe I'm the same way (I'm sure I am sometimes) and I just can't see it. But can anyone have a conversation with the kids instead of lecture at them?

Seriously, am I going crazy? I feel like I'm caught between wanting to help the kids learn to make decisions on their own and feeling like I need to be in control of the classroom. What the hell can I do?

Eight more days until home...