I Love Democracy.

It is primary election day, and we have the day off. Democracy rules.

Last Thursday I decided I was going to quit. I'm fine now, but I did say that this job is going to turn me into a schizo, or make me bipolar, or something. Anyway, I realized at the end of the day that I do not know what I am doing, and am being a very ineffective teacher. I figured the kids deserved better than me, so decided I was going to quit. After a good bit of depression someone (thank you) talked me out of it and I had a good Friday. Also, had a good Monday. We'll see about tomorrow.

I've been realizing more and more how important it is to ask for help and seek out other people's insights. Last week, I talked to a lot of veteran teachers who all were able to give me good advice here and there about one or two things to try the next day to make myself more effective. They also offered words of encouragement and pressed me to be patient with myself and the students. In any case, between the good people at work (and there are many of them - traditional teachers seem to get a bad reputation in the news today), my family, and friends, it's nice to know that I'm not alone. When I talk to other TFA people, the things they say are exactly what I'm feeling, and in a strange way, it makes it a little better... even though it still sucks sometimes.

Interestingly, the first couple of weeks has actually reminded me of when I played baseball back in high school. When I found out that my coach was getting my name out there to some colleges, I decided that I was going to become the best player I could be. I spent hours in the cage trying to perfect my swing, I was in the weight room all the time, and I pressed myself to be perfect. Unfortunately, I forgot the interesting fact about baseball that a great hitter fails 70% of the time. Every time I didn't do perfectly, I put more pressure on myself, became more frustrated, and played worse.

The good people around me all tried to give me little tips: move your arm here, step like this, hold the bat like this, eat this, do that - every little thing was going to make me the best. Of course, none of it felt right for me. If it didn't work immediately, I gave up on it and decided the person was wrong and didn't know what he or she was saying. From being a starting sophomore batting leadoff on the varsity team, I ended my senior year riding the bench, and being all right with it. I gave up and decided that baseball wasn't for me anyway. It was no longer fun, and I had lost all the passion I had for it when I started playing.

I hope I've learned my lessons. Everyone around me is offering help, and I appreciate all of the support. But, at the end of the day, no two teachers are alike, just like no two hitters are alike. I need to find myself and my own style of teaching in order to be effective. I need to enjoy each day and have fun. I joined TFA because I love working with kids, and need to remember that. Most importantly, I need to be all right with not being perfect. I desperately hope that I won't fail 70% of the time, but I do need to realize that the road to the end is long and bumpy. If I do my job the way I know I can, though, we'll eventually get there.

Oh. And I need to cherish my days off.