Knock, Knock.

One of my kids reading a knock, knock joke book, and he wanted to share a joke with me today. It was hilarious, but not in the way you would think.

"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Jack."
"Jack, who?"
"Also included inside are 100s of other classic knock-knock jokes that will have you rolling on the floor laughing. Take a look inside to see!"

Yes, he was reading the teaser on the back cover, thinking it was a joke. Kids are fun.

 

 

Chills for Life.

The "cooties" of the 21st century are apparently called "chills." Today I got really annoyed with my students during an upbeat probability activity. They were working pretty well in groups, but they kept running back and forth during the stations to poke each other and yell, "Chills for life!" I let it go during the activity because everyone was doing the work they were supposed to be doing, but while I was going over something whole class, one of my kids got up and walked across the room to pass on the chills.

I kind of got mad, and my brilliant solution was to tell them that I didn't want to hear about chills in class ever again. In fact, I sacrificed myself and took the chills, and they'd all better stay away from me or else they'll catch it. The word didn't come up the rest of the day.

Watch out. I've got chills for life.

Welcome Back.

Had a very happy Thanksgiving back in California. There is a new countdown now for winter break.

The students took a Benchmark exam a couple weeks ago. It's a district-wide test on all the objectives that we were supposed to have done 1st quarter. I got the results back today, and my students actually performed worse after my instruction than they did coming off of summer vacation.

Welcome back, indeed.

A Little Hope.

Today during after school program in my classroom, eight of my students treated a staff member to a concert. They sang the Fifty Nifty song, 3s, 4s, 12s, and 9s. It was pretty cool, even though I was in a bad mood.

Then, Trey, who is one of my more troublesome students, gave me a little compliment.

"Mr. Lyu, I can do 60 multiplication problems in less than two minutes now. I could never have done that if it wasn't for those songs. It's all because of you, because no one else would have done that for us. It's all because of you. You're a good teacher."

That was nice... I'm glad he was in a good mood today, because he's normally not. Still, such a smart kid...

Thanksgiving in one day!

Who's the Principal?

A lot of people in the reform movement talk about incapable teachers and administrators who don't really know what they're doing. So, I wonder if we should just hire this guy because he's actually doing the work and learning.

http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/11/19/the-ghostwriter/

Maybe the cheaters have so much work that they have to outsource it.

Yeah, right...

I'm a Cheater.

As testing as it can be sometimes to have to work with a co-teacher that I don't agree with a lot of the time, I am extremely grateful because it lessens the load on me. I already find it difficult to teach half the day, and the couple of times where I needed to cover the whole day, I felt extremely incapable.

I came across this little article the other day, and it really makes a lot of sense to me. A lot of my TFA friends are struggling just as much or more than I do because they are getting thrown into elementary school classes and are being expected to actually teach for 6, 7 hours on their own. My hat is tipped to all of them because I couldn't do it.

So thank you, co-teacher. Thank you, buffer zone. And to all of the first year teachers who are really doing it all: you are so brave.

Charm City.

A couple of nights ago, there were helicopters with spotlights flying back and forth above our block. The street on both sides was also surrounded by cop cars, and a dozen officers were walking around outside our house.

I found out today that there have been five armed robberies on our block in the last week.

Welcome to Charm City!

Through Their Eyes.

I can't imagine what it must be like to be a student in an urban school.

Today was quite possibly the worst day since I've been here. It wasn't because of anything the kids did, though. I think it just got to me how bad of an experience in school they have, and how they are getting cheated out of actual learning. I felt bad for them all day. I was sad for them, and wanted so badly to apologize to them all for the way the adults here treat them.

This is what my students' day looked like today:

• 8.05-8.30 Word Study
• 8.35-9.20 Resource - Gym
• Wait. Actually, they were there for 10 minutes, then the whole class was marched back to our room (so I couldn't do any work) and was told to sit in silence by the resource teacher and write sentences about how they will follow directions.
• 9.20-10.30 Reading
• I wasn't here most of the time because I had to be in a meeting about one of our students with serious behavior and academic problems.
• 10.30-11.55 School Psychologist's Visit. 
• Right before this happened, the person across the hall sent three kids into our classroom because they were in trouble. They were told to sit there and do math work.
• Within 5 minutes the psychologist had sent three kids away and yelled at the rest of them for talking... which, of course, they did more of. It was not pretty. So basically they were in trouble this whole time too.
• 11.55-12.15 Recess
• My co-teacher kept 20 of the kids in to do homework they didn't do. Fair enough. The three kids from the other classroom, she told to keep working even though they had been told they could go to recess. Of course, they start yelling, refusing to work, and cussing.
• 12.15-12.30 Lunch
• The kids got yelled at by the lunch lady the whole time. Two of them got in a physical fight, they got yelled at some more, and they came into my class 15 minutes late because of lunch.
• 12.45-2.00 Math
• Up until this point, the kids have basically been yelled at and in trouble the whole day.
• The kids from across the hall got sent back with no work, so they started yelling and cussing at my students. My co-teacher told all the other teachers in the hall that they could definitely send misbehaving students to our class because "I'll (read: she will) take care of them." Except she wasn't there to do anything, and because of the shape of our classroom, I couldn't see where the other kids were. Kids were coming in and out of my door because my co-teacher told them to come in here, they were sitting in the doorway, my students are freaking out because they can't concentrate with all the commotion.
• My one new kid, Bonnie (I realize I never wrote about this awesome kid...) is running in and out of the door like she always does after lunch.
• The mother of one of the kids who got in the fight comes in and asks me to fill out a behavior evaluation for him because she's taking him in to get checked up immediately. I'm trying to deal with her and teach, my kids are confused, the other kids are making tons of noise, and this whole time, my Johns Hopkins advisor is sitting in the back watching me and taking notes.
• 2.15-2.45 Science
• We pushed on through science even though everyone had a rough time during math. Everyone is still freaking out about the way the whole day has gone, and all I can think about is how much of their day was wasted today by teachers yelling and not actually working with them. 

I honestly think the only time today they were actually learning was for the two hours they had after lunch, and even that was a struggle. At the end, I looked through their little exit tickets (they're like little quizzes) and only half of them got what we were working on today.

I'll re-teach it tomorrow.

What a ridiculous day. I hate adults sometimes. Is there anyone that can treat these kids like people and not like things to just order around? Maybe I'm the same way (I'm sure I am sometimes) and I just can't see it. But can anyone have a conversation with the kids instead of lecture at them?

Seriously, am I going crazy? I feel like I'm caught between wanting to help the kids learn to make decisions on their own and feeling like I need to be in control of the classroom. What the hell can I do?

Eight more days until home...

Ob-SERVED.

I got formally observed by my assistant principal today. I'm probably going to get fired.

Lessons learned: have multiple bins of markers so kids don't fight over them; tell them where the markers should stay so they don't take the whole box somewhere, and predetermine a space for them to work. Also, don't give kids shape blocks and expect them to do work on a page if you walk away.

Somehow, though, 100% of my students got 100% on the quiz I gave at the end of the day.

I'm going to get ripped apart tomorrow during my post-observation conference.

Phone Call.

I was at a TFA event tonight when I got a call from a parent.

"Mr. Lyu? Are you there?"
"Tania? Is that you?" It wasn't a parent.
"Yeah. Can you help me? I don't understand mixed numbers."

Tania had missed class today because of a dentist appointment. Normally, kids can come back to school from appointments, but not when they have to take an hour-long bus ride to get there. Anyway, I left the event for a bit and tried my best to explain it over the phone. I'll meet with her tomorrow to see how she did with the work, but it's still really cool to have a kid call because they want to ask a question about something we're learning.

Oh, and just in case you're wondering... Her teeth are healthy.

Album Reviews.

The verdict is in, and here are the reviews of my latest record:

"Mr. Lyu, your voice ain't right." -Trey

"This sounds funny." -Dajah

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" -The rest of the class 

One day, maybe I'll find something I'm good at.

UPDATE: First thing in the morning, a student comes in and says, "Mr. Lyu! I love that CD! I listened to it 8 times with my mom and we just laughed at you the whole time!"

Going Platinum.

I am now a recording artist with a whopping 25 albums sold given out for free.

These are the multiplication songs that I wrote for my students. I am an awful singer, but we don't have enough time do all of this in class, and so I'm going to send it home and have them learn the songs on their own.

• 3's (to "You Belong with Me" by Taylor Swift)
• 4's (to "Baby" by Justin Bieber)
• 6's (to "Mad" by Ne-Yo)
• 7's (to "Billionaire" by Travie McCoy)
• 8's (to "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus)
• 9's (to "Dynamite" by Taio Cruz)
• 12's (to "California Gurls" by Katy Perry)

Here are the lyrics. The state song on there is something else I was doing with the kids. No, I didn't write that. It's actually good.

I'm not a big fan of the 7's song. Please don't laugh. Fingers crossed that this works for the kids. Hopefully I'll be able to upload a couple videos of the kids singing the 3's and 4's.

One Nice Thing.

I complain a lot about being away from home. I've made a ring countdown thing for days until I get back to California for Thanksgiving break. But, one thing that I have noticed is that the colors here in the fall are just amazing. That is definitely one thing that I appreciate about the East coast.

Irony.

Went to the Rally to Restore Sanity in DC yesterday. It was pretty insane. I hope people appreciated the irony.

Nothing Thoughtful.

Some funny stuff happened on Friday:

• Someone from TFA came in to take a picture of my classroom. The kids were taking a test, and it had already taken a little while to settle them down. Just when they were getting into their groove, the office called to tell me she had arrived, disrupting the class twice, and so they started to get antsy. Then someone came to the door and opened it, but didn't walk in, which made the kids start to yell, "Who's that? Who's there? The door is open!" Other students started to walk through the hall, which added even more noise to the class (we don't have real walls). Then, the TFA lady walked in, and the boys lost it. "That girl is HOT!" We got through the test, though.
• A girl raised her hand to ask a question. The boy sitting next to her turned to look and recoiled in horror. "MR. LYU! Why do girls grow hair under their arms?!?!?" "Uh... come talk to me after class and I can explain it to you."
• I told the class that if anyone can beat me at a 60-problem multiplication facts timed test, I will pay him or her $5. If I beat a challenger, they have to do two multiplication worksheets. After school, I got seven challengers. They called me a cheater because there's no way anyone can do them that fast. Yeah. I'm schooling 9 year-olds at multiplication. I feel so cool.

On a related note, when we took our first timed test at the beginning of the year, a girl in my class got ONE in two minutes. Friday, she got 29 in two minutes!

Poverty in the Classroom.

It's sometimes difficult to hold students accountable for their work when it's so glaringly obvious what they have to deal with at home.

One of my students missed over two weeks of school because she didn't have a place to live. The school gave her a free backpack and school supplies because that's what they do for kids who are categorized as homeless.

Two kids in my class are wearing clothes that probably haven't been washed in a month. One comes in every day with wet clothes that were hung out to dry in the basement the night before.

Driving through the neighborhood to drop off some kids, I saw that many houses had no windows or blinds. It stormed a couple of weeks ago.

I expect all the kids to have their homework done every night, and to come prepared and ready to learn every morning. If they can't do it at home, they do it with me after school. Yes, I know some people in other countries have it much worse. But still... why does ANY kid have to go through that?

Allen.

It's official. Allen withdrew from the school today. He is no longer in our class, and no longer at our school.

My New Haircut.

As part of a reading contest, since my students read 100 books as a class before my co-teacher and I read 25, I had to shave my head.

In conclusion, I have a funny-shaped head.

Failure is the Only Option.

Something interesting, and a little more than sad has been happening recently, and it's left me at a loss for how to address or fix it.

Two of the boys in my class, Dean and David, are extremely bright. Their grades and test scores don't show it, though, since the second I start my math lessons, they say, "I can't do this. It's too hard." Dean slouches in his chair and his eyes glaze over. David turns around and then tries to wander the room finding something else to do. When I let the students practice what I just taught, Dean tries once, I tell him to fix one or two things, and he says, "Forget this! This is impossible!" He slams his pencil on his desk and pushes his paper away, slouching back, pouting, and not participating the rest of the hour. David just sits there staring blankly at the blank-er paper on his desk saying, "I don't know what to do."

I've been extremely encouraging. Some of the items on the LXS Values and Code of Conduct are to be your best at all times, never give up, believe in yourself, and have no fear of failure. There's even a saying on the side that says "Impossible is NOTHING" (Don't sue, Adidas... please). I preach these like they they're the word of God. I tell them that they can do it, and that I believe in them. But, it doesn't seem to be working.

These two boys are the oldest in my class. They're both 11 going on 12, which should put them in middle school. But, for some reason or another, they are still in 4th grade, and far behind in both reading and math. At such a young age they've already experienced and internalized failure, and for obvious reasons, hate it. Since they can't do anything right, they've decided they might as well not try. But of course, if they don't try, they never learn it, and then they end up failing anyway.

I know I need to give them a taste of success and show them that they can do this. I also have to teach the idea of malleable intelligence - that if you work hard, you become smart. Regardless, there's something so wrong and sad about an 11 year-old that already truly believes that he can't do anything right. All those defiant behaviors that people see coming down the line in middle school and high school come from a defense mechanism against failure. I wonder how many people have ever told them that they are capable of learning all this stuff. I also wonder what it's going to take for them to believe it themselves.

For a much better blog post about this subject, you can read this.

PS. For all the fans of Allen... He's been absent from school for the last 10 straight days. Apparently, his whole family is very sick. I know I should be doing more to check in and make sure they're doing all right, but right now I feel like I need to concentrate on the classroom and deal with catching him up when he gets back. Is that wrong?

Race and Ethnicity in Baltimore.

Quick history lesson: the Mason-Dixon Line was the line that separated the South from the North during the American Civil War. It is also Maryland's northern border (making it a Southern state), but since Washington, DC is inside Maryland, it is south of the line. Kind of awkward, no? It ended up being one of the "border states," meaning it was a slave state that didn't secede from the Union. But, when you read those stories of the Civil War where brothers were fighting brothers on opposite sides, this is where it was happening most.

I've probably mentioned it before, but there are some people who say that Maryland is the first northern city. They usually come from the south. Then, there are people who say that Maryland is the first southern city. They usually come from the north. In any case, it doesn't really fit and there are still awkward racial tensions that stem from how racially segregated the city is, and how immigration from Latin America especially is changing the old dynamic. Also, the complete lack of Asian people (except right by the universities) has made me understand for the first time in my life how big a part my ethnicity, background, and culture play in who I am, as well as how who others think I am.

There have been a number of ways that race/ethnicity issues have popped up since I've come to Baltimore. The first time, I had landed in Baltimore for the first time, and was waiting for a shuttle. A 40+ year-old Japanese man had been at the counter, and left to go to the bathroom. As I approached the counter to buy a ticket, they start calling reservation numbers for people to go wait outside, and his number is called, but he is in the bathroom. The attendant calls his name a few more times, growing increasingly impatient. He finally walks over to the counter where I'm standing, and says, "Are you the little Chinese man that was standing here and we're waiting for?" "No, he's in the bathroom." "Oh."

Last week, I walked into school and another teacher had gotten a haircut. "Mr. Green! Nice haircut! Looking sharp! Did you do it yourself?" I ask, as I enter my classroom. Before I go on, to be clear, Mr. Green is a very nice guy, and extremely capable teacher who means no harm to anyone and manages his classroom like a pro. I like the guy a lot. Anyway, he comes in and says, "No, man! All my friends make fun of me because I got my own hairdresser. But she's this little Oriental girl and she be like (cue Asian accent) Mr. Green! You no worry! I do you real nice! Real cheap! And she does it real nice doesn't she? Only cost me $8 from those Oriental ones like you, huh?"

Every day, the kids go to a resource class for an hour in the morning. These are classes like art, Spanish, computers, or library. A different person teaches them, and we get that hour to plan and prepare for the rest of the day. The kids had library this past week, and the teacher is notorious for having awful classroom management, just yelling at the students for an hour, and pushing worksheets that either no one understands, or are too easy to they spend the bulk of the hour wondering what they can do, not getting anything to do, talking, and then getting yelled at. The librarian, Ms. Byrd, writes her "bad" kids' names on the board, and when I picked them I read the names. We have two Bens - Ben King, and Ben Price. When I looked at the board, I saw that one of them had gotten in trouble. Just to make sure she knew which one had gotten in trouble, Ms. Byrd (a black lady), had written "Ben (white)" on the board.

So, I realize that this started off as a post about race and ethnicity in a state that has a confused racial identity to begin with, but I realize that all I've really done is told three stories that really have no point and have nothing really in common with each other besides the fact that something racist or uncomfortable happened. I know that we're supposed to take a stand, and clear these misconceptions with our kids, but to be honest, I don't even know where to begin, and I'm having trouble teaching the normal stuff as it is. Also, these stories didn't involve my kids, really. They were all things that adults around them are doing and saying. What am I supposed to do about that?

In conclusion, I am confused. And, since I'm just throwing around stories/thoughts that have no relation to what else has been said, let me just say that I have never been in a place where my "different-ness" has been made so obvious to me. I guess the only other time was in Sweden, but we had all the other UC kids, and it was temporary, so even there it wasn't as glaring. It's really made me appreciate who I am more, even as I start to try thinking about and figuring out what my background and culture means to me. I definitely have found a new appreciation for it, though. It's funny, I didn't think this program would be a growing experience in this way.

If you can help me make sense of all these things that have happened, and what they mean, please let me know. Thank you much.

Health and Wellness.

Felt like I was dying yesterday. Slept, sweated through all of my sheets and blankets, and today I was good to go again.

On a related note, my Christmas wish list consists of one thing: a foam mattress topper. Please, Santa, I'm trying to do good things.

Allen.

Allen gets called out of class every morning by the SPED teacher. He is a difficult student to work with a lot of the time because he has ADHD, is unresponsive much of the time, and will just run away every once in a while. Also, you can guess that he's years behind in reading and math.

One morning, the SPED teacher comes to the room, and he leaves with her. A few seconds later she comes back and tells me she'll come back to get Alex later, that she doesn't want him there at the moment because he causes trouble with another student in there. Oh, and he ran off so I need to go chase him. I walked about eight to ten laps around the school, up and down the steps to keep an eye on him (good workout). After a while he stops in the staircase and just stares out the window. I come up next to him and ask him if I can stand there and talk with him. We talk a little about the weather, and what kind of car he wants to drive one day, and then I ask him why he ran away again.

"She's wasting my time, telling me to come outside and then go back inside," he says.

I'm not sure what he's talking about, but I realize that on this particular morning, when the SPED teacher came to our door, he had automatically gotten up to go with her, even though she had only asked for another one of my students (this is kind of a big deal because the week before he wouldn't go with her even if she asked). When he got outside, she told him she doesn't want him in the class right now and to go back inside. That's when he took off.

------

Allen's mother died randomly in the middle of the day a year or two ago. He went to school in the morning and had a family. He got home and he didn't anymore. His mother was gone, and his father ended up sending his sisters away because he couldn't take care of them all. The mother had been the glue holding the family together, and now he didn't have someone to take care of him and tell him that she wanted him around since he seemed to get into a lot of trouble at school. So, even though he said the teacher was wasting his time, what really bothered him was hearing, "I don't want you right now." It doesn't seem like anyone ever did, ever does, or ever will.

After talking about not running away, controlling yourself, making good choices, and now wasting more time by running away, I told him something my dad once told me. He had said that you can tell how smart someone is by how bright their eyes are. Allen has the brightest blue eyes I have ever seen, and I told him that. We went back into the classroom, and it was writing time. I told him that before we started writing we would come up with a list. The list was titled, "Things People Should Know About Me." In the first one, I wrote: I am smart.

When I came back, his list looked like this:

Things People Should Know About Me

1. I am smart.
2. I like reading.
3. I like math.
4. I like to lirn.

I added #5: I can be great.

We then moved on to writing about memories since that was what everyone else was doing.

"Let's write about the happiest day you've ever had. What's the happiest memory you have?"

"I want to write about the last time I saw my mom."

So he did.

I Love Democracy.

It is primary election day, and we have the day off. Democracy rules.

Last Thursday I decided I was going to quit. I'm fine now, but I did say that this job is going to turn me into a schizo, or make me bipolar, or something. Anyway, I realized at the end of the day that I do not know what I am doing, and am being a very ineffective teacher. I figured the kids deserved better than me, so decided I was going to quit. After a good bit of depression someone (thank you) talked me out of it and I had a good Friday. Also, had a good Monday. We'll see about tomorrow.

I've been realizing more and more how important it is to ask for help and seek out other people's insights. Last week, I talked to a lot of veteran teachers who all were able to give me good advice here and there about one or two things to try the next day to make myself more effective. They also offered words of encouragement and pressed me to be patient with myself and the students. In any case, between the good people at work (and there are many of them - traditional teachers seem to get a bad reputation in the news today), my family, and friends, it's nice to know that I'm not alone. When I talk to other TFA people, the things they say are exactly what I'm feeling, and in a strange way, it makes it a little better... even though it still sucks sometimes.

Interestingly, the first couple of weeks has actually reminded me of when I played baseball back in high school. When I found out that my coach was getting my name out there to some colleges, I decided that I was going to become the best player I could be. I spent hours in the cage trying to perfect my swing, I was in the weight room all the time, and I pressed myself to be perfect. Unfortunately, I forgot the interesting fact about baseball that a great hitter fails 70% of the time. Every time I didn't do perfectly, I put more pressure on myself, became more frustrated, and played worse.

The good people around me all tried to give me little tips: move your arm here, step like this, hold the bat like this, eat this, do that - every little thing was going to make me the best. Of course, none of it felt right for me. If it didn't work immediately, I gave up on it and decided the person was wrong and didn't know what he or she was saying. From being a starting sophomore batting leadoff on the varsity team, I ended my senior year riding the bench, and being all right with it. I gave up and decided that baseball wasn't for me anyway. It was no longer fun, and I had lost all the passion I had for it when I started playing.

I hope I've learned my lessons. Everyone around me is offering help, and I appreciate all of the support. But, at the end of the day, no two teachers are alike, just like no two hitters are alike. I need to find myself and my own style of teaching in order to be effective. I need to enjoy each day and have fun. I joined TFA because I love working with kids, and need to remember that. Most importantly, I need to be all right with not being perfect. I desperately hope that I won't fail 70% of the time, but I do need to realize that the road to the end is long and bumpy. If I do my job the way I know I can, though, we'll eventually get there.

Oh. And I need to cherish my days off.

Small Paragraphs.

Teaching is going to turn me into a schizophrenic. One minute things are fine, and the next I've just about made up my mind to drive to the airport, go home, and never come back. Yes, I'm a drama queen.

They took Francis away to go to a 3rd grade class. I was sad. I also heard he's leaving in a couple of weeks because his family is moving. Still sad.

A kid wrote a story about me in writing time today. In the story, I am a killer shark that attacks and eats everything. Then, I meet a beautiful shark named Rosa. We get married, have a baby shark named Jeffrey, and I give up my predatory ways. How cute.

One more fun thing: yesterday, we had a fire drill, and I went up to a student to ask him to stop talking, step off of the grass, and stay on the sidewalk. He replies, "Oh, sorry Mr. Lyu. By the way, you have a boogie in your nose." I did, in fact, have a boogie in my nose.

First Week Thoughts.

When you give things some time it never seems to matter as much as during the moment it's happening. Maybe that's why I'm looking at this list of topics that I had jotted down over the course of last week and am struggling to figure out why they were so important when I wrote them.

The first week was definitely difficult. It wasn't the kids. They're great. First, it's the constant planning that needs to be done and the feeling that I'm already so behind. They warned us that we needed to be prepared with the whole unit's plans, but of course, I was worried about other things, and didn't actually finish. One week later, I've pulled two all-nighters and woken up at 4AM twice to finish work for the next day.  Methinks that has to change or else I'll be dead soon.

Secondly, my own impatience made the week tough. It wasn't that I was impatient with my kids. A big part of it is the realization that I am really, really new at all of this and don't quite know what I'm doing but I want it to all be done by... yesterday. It was day two and I was frustrated that I hadn't already gotten the class to autopilot mode with procedures the way I wanted them to be halfway through the year. I was frustrated that we didn't already know the reading and math levels of all of our students, annoyed that our roster kept changing in the middle of the day, and that bathroom/water breaks were taking 15 minutes out of learning time. With all of this stuff going on, I couldn't figure out how to get through all of my lesson plans and actually teach the things that I was supposed to teach. Week two starts tomorrow, but I still haven't done a single science, health, or social studies lesson.

So, it's tiring, and I definitely need to figure out a way to get out of my own head. I always knew that I'm a very impatient person. Anyone who works or has worked with me knows this. Hopefully by the end of all this I'll be a more patient person. That would certainly help my blood pressure and put me at lower risk for heart disease.

And now, interesting things from the week:

• We have a student (Allen, I'll call him) who gets in moods and will flat out refuse to do things. One day his special education (SPED) teacher came to take him for a session and he would not budge from his seat. I convinced him to go outside and after a little talking, asked him if he thinks he's smart. He said yes, and I told him I think so, too. I also asked him if he thinks other people think he's smart, and he said no. I told him to go prove it to everyone, so he went. Patience, please.
• On Friday, Allen asked the librarian what she would do if he threw a pencil in her eye. She flipped out and yelled at him, and then told us that he needed to be punished. Granted, the lady is not the greatest teacher (read: not good at all), but he did need to understand that he couldn't just say things like that. We decided he was going to sit in during recess and write an apology letter. We took the other kids to recess, and as we turned to head back, Allen took off down the hall and ran away. I spent the next ten minutes walking around the school looking for him before we finally got him back to the class to write his letter. It was like camp my third year again! Patience, please.
• David's deskmates kept complaining about him because he couldn't sit still and kept hitting their things when he was fidgeting. I tried to encourage his deskmates to be patient, but he kept getting in trouble with my co-teacher. Every time he got in trouble, he would put his head down and stop listening. I moved his desk in the middle of a lesson one day after someone at his table complained again. He put his head down and stopped paying attention... again. When I asked him why, he just told me that he's always getting in trouble. I said to him that he's not in trouble, and reminded him that only the day before he had asked if he could move to his own table so he wouldn't bother other people. I said that I know he's not a bad kid, I just want him to be able to pay attention and work hard so he can show everyone what a smart kid he is. Now, he sits in the front of the classroom by the teacher's desk. Every once in a while as I walk by he'll tap my arm and ask, "Am I being good right now?" "Yes, you are being very good." Then, he smiles, and gets back to work. Patience, please.
• They want to send Francis (the Dominican kid who doesn't speak English) back to 3rd grade, and put him in 2nd grade for English. I want to fight this so badly, but I am new here so don't quite know what to do. As a third grader, he spent his entire last year in a 1st grade classroom. The kid doesn't speak English, but he knows that he doesn't belong there. In fact, BECAUSE he doesn't speak English, he probably thought they put him with babies because they think he's dumb, not because of English. Of course, he kept getting in trouble, and was never allowed to speak in class. How would he learn English if he never gets a chance to speak it? So, he moved to the next year knowing the sounds of C-A-T, but not knowing that "cat" means the animal that goes, "Meow." I've been taking him during reading time to just talk in English, learn words, do easy reading, and label things in the room. Some of the other students see me walking around in the back with him as he spells out "book" and puts a card on the book, and I am so happy to see them smile and encourage him. He wanted to label "people" and he put the card on his classmate's desk. Then, he wrote "friend" and put it on another student's desk. When everyone lined up to go to the library, both of the other kids went up to Francis and gave him a high five. "Hey, Francis! Friend!" "Hey, Francis! We're all people!" Later that day, during math, I hear a kid yell out (completely inappropriately), "I NEED HELP! COME ON!" I turn and see Francis yelling out loud and disrupting the class. "Stop. Raise your hand, please," I said. He sat down, raised his hand, and said, "Please help?" I could have died. Patience, please.

I really hope the next 175 days just keep getting better...

Oh, and I am so happy for long weekends.

First Day Fun.

Interesting first day.

To be honest, I don't remember much of it at all. It wasn't a very fun day, we just did a lot of rules, procedures, and things like that. We did do some math, but most of it was setting up the paper.

The kids were well-behaved, and it's definitely different having 24 instead of 12 like summer school. Also, since we don't really start giving diagnostics to figure out where our students are until tomorrow, we're still up in the air about how far we have to go this year. After getting some of the math work back today, though, I can tell we are already seeing some gaps.

We have two ESOL students. One is from the Dominican Republic, and the other is from the Philippines. The kids were given some time today to walk around the room and look at things, and Francis (not his real name) from the Dominican Republic, didn't move. I took him to the map area, and asked him if he knew where he was from. He pointed out his country and gave me a big smile. I showed him how far away California is and said we're both far from home. It was a nice moment.

Today wasn't difficult or anything, but I think working with my co-teacher will be a challenge. We have very different styles and different management techniques. She also has a tendency to ramble, which is frustrating because the kids aren't talking and nothing's really being done. I, on the other hand, keep thinking about how little time we had during summer school, and I want to make sure there's not a wasted second in the classroom now. Still, it's only the first day, everyone says she's a great teacher, she's helped me so much already, and I really don't know what I'm doing. So, we'll see how the year goes.

Some funny stuff that happened today:

• I'm introducing the LXS and am talking to them like they're in this secret club with these values and members all over the world. I think it's pretty cool, and some of the kids are getting into it. A student (we'll call her Iris) raises her hand and says, "Excuse me, I don't have any idea what you're talking about." Oops. Thought that was pretty funny.
• We're doing some math work and Francis raises his hand. I go over to his desk and kneel down next to him. As I kneel down I hit the corner of the tray that holds chalk and erasers at the bottom of the chalkboard, ripping a big hole in the rear of my pants. We all had a good laugh about that.
• I did a short introductory math lesson about how numbers are everywhere. It was called "A World of Numbers," and it basically had really cool pictures that they got to look at. I went through one planet; 50 states; 206 bones in the body; 2,490 years since the battle of Thermopylae (the movie 300); 48,262 seats in Oriole Park; and 637,418 people in Baltimore. The last slide was a close-up of glowing bacteria, and I said, "1,000,000 bacteria can live on the eraser of your pencil." The kids went, "Whoa..." and then the whole back table takes out their hand sanitizer all at once and starts sharing it with each other. How cute. I just created six hypochondriacs today.

Can't wait for tomorrow. Except I have to plan for it. Actually, in that case, I CAN wait for tomorrow.

I'm a real teacher now...

Back to School.

It is 7:38AM and I'm reading my lesson plan over for the 100th time. So nervous. Oh, look. Now it's 7:39.

Final Weekend.

It's the last free weekend before school starts. So. Frightening.

As promised, here's the theme of our class this year:

The Legion of Extraordinary Scholars (LXS) is a small, select group of individuals that was chosen based on their potential to become great protectors and communicators of knowledge. They live by a code of conduct that governs their everyday lives. Those selected to become members of LXS must, everyday: push themselves to be their best at all times, never give up on anything, believe in themselves and the group, have no fear of failure, and serve the good of knowledge by constantly asking questions to better understand the world around them. These are what Legion members must do every day.

Here's the LXS' classroom:

There's a poster with the Legion Values and some catch phrases that we're going to recite every day as a pledge. There's also a Scholar of the Day that helps with jobs, and then class points (called Legion Honor Points). If they class gets 35 Honor Points we get a 5-minute dance party. On the little board we have a Scholarly Word of the Day and a Cultural Literacy term.

The Bucket Filling Station is a place for students to fill each other's buckets with compliments and good deeds. My co-teacher did it last year and really liked it... I'm excited since I wanted a "Good Deed" wall before I came here and she told me about this. The chalkboard is all the classroom rules and behavior management system. Students are on clothespins and we move them up and down depending how they are behaving. They get "Merit Points" depending on what color they're on at the end of the day. Fifteen points and they can visit the "LXS Armory" (the LXS fights for knowledge with pens and pencils). We're also supposed to have a graph in the classroom, so we're going to graph how well the class upholds the LXS Values on the side board. The "Big Goal" is moving up and we're going to put measurable subject goals there.

Each student has their own Tracking Binder where they can graph their own academic achievement and progress. Hopefully they'll take more ownership of their education this way. It also helps take attendance faster in the morning because they pick it up as they walk through the door. The school wants an international focus, and I really want students to present current events every day, so we're going to "travel" to these places as we talk about the events (You'll be able to follow us on Google Maps). Also, I wanted to visit other countries/states by getting friends from around the world to film little clips to the Legion in their language just so we can "fly" (I have LXS boarding passes and Passports!). Social studies vocab words go up on the wall, and the poem says "Brooklyn is my NEIGHBORHOOD/Baltimore my CITY/Maryland is my home STATE/The USA my country/North America is my CONTINENT/Upon this blue-green PLANET/We're all from the same big place/Let's go out and explore it!" Walt Whitman, watch your back.

Evidence of my obsession with tracking and data. Trackers for attendance, uniforms (these two are required), homework, nightly reading (20 minutes a night), and TAI, which is a math facts practice program. If they are perfect on the first four for a week, they get to eat lunch with the teachers (I know, what a prize!)

My co-teacher is amazing. These are her books and this is our library. I want this. There's a lot of blank space but we're going to put a writing wall up back there. Every student will have their picture up on the wall with a sample of their writing assignment. There's also a contest on the other side of the easel. If the students read 100 books (as a class) before my co-teacher and I read 25 books, we will vote on a new book to buy for the class.

Another picture of the beautiful library. Note the awkward pole in the middle of the classroom. The school used to be open space, which means all students and grades are in a giant room with no walls. I can't imagine that. Even with these walls, you can tell that they had to leave space at the top to follow fire code. It's going to be really loud in there... Oh we didn't have space for math vocabulary words, so I'm going to hang them from the ceiling! Maybe it'll be a math jungle...

Teacher's desk. All those books are teachers' guides and session materials from professional development. Ridiculous. The multicolored silver cart is a writing center with paper and other writing supplies. The cart next to that is the math cart. It has games and other random math supplies. There's going to be a "You Can Go to College" section with our grad gowns and pennants and diplomas up there to encourage the kids to think about college in the blank wall space. We're also going to put an "About Your Teachers" thing back there to introduce California and Taiwan (multicultural, international educational stuff from your foreign-looking teacher - by order of the administration) and other parts of Baltimore from my co-teacher. Public transportation here is so bad that a lot of our kids have never been three miles to the Inner Harbor of Baltimore. It's crazy.

Reflection corner for kids that need to remove themselves for behavioral issues. We're going to put a pillow and stuffed animal there for them if they're going to lose it. Science vocabulary words go on the cabinet doors.

Two LXS members to a locker. I kind of like the theme.

Any more suggestions for the room or class in general?

... Did I mention I'm freaking out?

5.

There are only FIVE days left before school starts! It's crazy, I've basically been waiting for this moment since the first time I applied for TFA almost two years ago, so it's ridiculously exciting. I will definitely write about when I crash and burn day one.

The classroom is looking better each day, I'll have pictures up soon.

Oh, and this was a good article from The New York Times.

I'm Not Cool.

Today I became that adult who wears running shoes with jeans. Ugh. Hopefully this is a one time thing that won't repeat itself for at least 20 years. Fingers crossed.

Everyone's Back.

Today was the first day at school with everyone there. It's beginning to look a lot like Christm- I mean, the first day of school.

On an unrelated note, I saw a two brothers by my school walk into the public library across the street. I have no idea if they're reading in there, but it made me happy.

Lastly, here's an interesting article from the LA Times. I think a friend of mine taught at 92nd Street... or was it 192nd? I forget.

Pre-Kids' Pre-Work.

It feels like a long time since I last had students to work with, so everything seems a bit boring. Still, there's a lot of stuff happening to get reading for the first day of school in... 12 days!

I've been spending a lot of time crafting a theme and goals for my students, getting trackers ready, and planning out topics to cover from the first day until the end of the year. I now have 10 calendars on Google because of all the subjects, assessments, and different class-related things I want to keep track of. Also, I've been decorating my room, and am proud to say that I put together my first two bulletin boards. I am now officially a teacher, I guess.

Sorry I haven't written anything really interesting in a while, but all the minutiae that goes into planning before school starts isn't really entertaining, although it could be the most important thing that I do this year. I promise, this will actually be worth reading soon. Hopefully.

Just FYI.

I have the best little sister in the world. Her name is Charlene and she is wonderful.

ESOL.

One of the more difficult things about teaching (and there are definitely a lot) is that many students come in not speaking English. There's a lot of debate out there, and I can't even pretend I know what's going on in terms of policies regarding non-English instruction, American cultural education (which some think is forced assimilation), English for Speakers of Other Languages (ESOL), or any of the other policies and systems in place for our non-English speaking students.


But, one of the more interesting sessions during this week's New Teacher Institute was about the ESOL support we would have at our school, and how to modify instruction to better serve our ESOL students. Some things that I learned before even getting into the "How" of instruction really surprised me. For example:

• Baltimore is a refugee resettlement city
• The State Department takes people in from around the world and sends them primarily to the Southeast part of Baltimore.
• Most refugees come from Nepal, Iraq, and parts of Africa
• There are 61 languages spoken in Baltimore City Public Schools (BCPS)
• The top languages are Spanish, Nepali, Arabic, French , Vietnamese, and Swahili
• ESOL students get integrated instruction in math, science, literacy, and "American Culture"
• Maree G. Farring, the school I am teaching at, is #10 in BCPS in terms of number of ESOL students

The theory and practice behind ESOL is really interesting, and I know that when I worked with Chinese speakers back in LA, the difficulties and successes both came often. I'm excited to see what it's like this time if I have ESOL students again.

... But I really, REALLY wish I had learned Spanish.

Funny Video.

Saw this a while ago, and thought it was pretty funny. They say those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. I don't agree, and I don't think this guy does either.

Taylor Mali: What Teachers Make

Enjoy.

Bored.

I realized yesterday that between training and work at home, I'm sitting down in front of a computer for about 16 or 17 hours a day. No wonder this week is going by so slowly.

Since nothing interesting at all has happened this week, I started thinking about the people I've met here who made me do a double take when I met them because they reminded me so much of someone back home.

Here's a list of face/personality twins that I've met while I've been here, and one or two of things that makes them the twin:

• 2nd Divya: Social butterfly that tells everyone how much she loves them.
• 2nd Rob: Easygoing sports nut that's too cool for school.
• 2nd Kelcey: Loud guy who tells over-the-top stories. This guy is a former Chicago cop.
• 2nd Daisy: No-nonsense workhorse that everyone knows is a softy underneath a tough exterior. 
• 2nd Yuri: She has the curly hair and a mature, classic style.
• 2nd Allison: Look-alike. And has a goofy sense of humor.
• 2nd Dorian: Another look-alike. Except taller. Also, has the adventurous exploring bug.
• 2nd Felicia: Talks a million miles a minute.

Yeah... that's all I've got right now. I am doing nothing productive... I just want to start working.

Creepy.

I taught fourth grade in Room 103 during Institute. Our class grew 103% in reading. I am now in fourth grade training at Baltimore City's New Teacher Institute in Room 103. Coincidence?

... Yeah, probably.

I Look Like Driver's License Kelcey.

Woke up this morning and my eye hurt. Woke up pretty quickly once I saw myself in the mirror.

So sexy! Hopefully this goes away soon. I have no idea what it is...

By the way, If you don't know what the title of this post means, please ask Kelcey Cheung for a look at his California Driver's License. Hilarious.

End of Institute: Lessons.

There was a girl in my class that I haven’t talked about much in these posts, and I would like to talk about her now. Since I can’t write her name here, I’ll call her Julia.

Julia came into our class reading on the higher end of the middle group of students, and she scored fairly well on her math pre-test compared to her classmates. When she raised her hand in class, she always had the right answer, and it was pretty clear that she knew what she was doing. When she wasn’t volunteering her answers, Julia stayed quiet, and did the work that we gave her. We didn’t really worry about Julia over the four weeks of summer school because we didn't have to.

When we got the final exams back, and finished the reading assessments, we were shocked. Julia had improved only one point on her reading, and was the only student in our class that had lost points in math. We were so surprised that we had her take the test again to see if it had just been a mistake. But, it wasn’t. She missed the exact same questions again.

Julia wasn’t a stand out student. She didn’t clamor for attention, she wasn’t far below grade level, and she didn’t blow us away with her obvious brilliance. She was somewhere in the great big middle, and because of that, we lost her. We assumed that she was doing just fine, that she understood what we were teaching because she did well enough every time. But really, in her silence she was really just staying under the radar. Over four weeks we didn’t teach her anything.

I know that I always root for the underdog. When I was teaching, I spent a lot of time ensuring that the lowest-performing students could keep up, that they were staying motivated, and that they weren’t giving up. I spent a lot of time making sure I wasn’t moving too slowly for my highest achievers, that they never did less than their best, and that they knew I expected great work from them. I didn’t spend much time I with the rest, and that included Julia because I thought she was doing... fine.

It’s no excuse, but I think this is how it is for people in general. We constantly celebrate those at the top – the rich and the famous. We constantly worry about and try to help those at the bottom – our tired, our poor. We forget about those in the great big middle – average Joe. We assume that they’re doing just fine, and they don’t need the help or the celebration. Our country has a rapidly shrinking middle class, and those that are still jobless 99 weeks after going on unemployment still can’t find work. But they’re in the middle, so they’ll be OK. They, like Julia, are sitting silently, so we don’t notice them struggling to make ends meet, just like I didn't see Julia struggling to understand.

I’ve talked a lot about the successes we had as a group in our classroom, and the achievement of students like Michael, Pauline, and Anita (not their real names) truly excites me. But, it is Julia’s experience that will never leave me.

Julia was not a success story, and luckily, one hapless summer school teacher won’t seal her fate. But, I joined Teach for America because I want to make sure all students get access to a great education. All really needs to mean all. Although I wish it had happened another way, Julia taught me that lesson, and it’s something that I need to keep with me in order to be a truly successful teacher, or even just a successful person.

End of Institute: Successes.

It ended well. Our students made 103% growth on reading and 80% on math. My one student never showed up to class again, but on that last day I had a conversation with him in the morning that went like this:

"Hello?" He was still sleeping.
"This is Mr. Lyu. Are you going to be able to come into school today?"
"No. My mom got the flat tire fixed but she didn't have enough money for gas."
"All right. Tell you what. We need you to prove to everyone what you know about math. You and I both know that you know a lot, but no matter what you're going to have to show them. Do you have paper and pencils at home?"
"Yes."
"You have ten minutes. Go wash your face and get ready to take a test. We're going to read it to you over the phone."
"OK."

Ten minutes later, my group partner read the test to him and he took it over the phone. Of course some things were lost in translation, but from a pre-score of 13%, he ended with 60%. I told him the results after, and you could see the smile through the phone. I wonder if he could see ours.

I, Moron.

Flight back to LA was at 7:25am. The latest ride I could get to the airport was at 4am. Got to the airport at 4:18am and napped on a bench until 5:30am when the check-in desk opened. Went to the gate and napped right next to the gate at 6am. Woke up at 7:30am. Now I'm out $127 and waiting for the 12pm to LAX.

I'm such an idiot.

Amazing Deal.

Went to a place last night with 25 cent hot wings and $1 drafts. I was in heaven. Apparently, though, to get into heaven you need to be patted down by the security guard. They were some good chicken wings I guess...

Truancy.

Coming off that high from the last week.

The boy that made huge gains in reading and then realized he was a math genius hasn't shown up the last two days of school, and so has missed all of his final assessments. I'm not sure if he gets to move to 5th grade now, and of course he doesn't get to see his hard work pay off.

I called yesterday and his mom said that she got a flat tire so she'd try to get him in today, but when I called again today the phone was disconnected. I hope they're all right.

I'm going to keep calling to give them information on how to get set for next year, but this kind of sucks.

On a related note:

Baltimore City Public Schools just came out with a press release that said:

"75.2 percent of students who attended school regularly last year scored proficient or advanced on the reading MSA, compared to just 59.6 percent of students who were chronically absent, meaning they missed at least 20 of the year's 180 school days."

Since we've started summer school, we've lost 13 students because they missed three days and were dropped from the roster. We have 12 now.

The Literacy/Achievement Gap.

It's said all the time that the achievement gap between the students we serve and more affluent schools and students is in reality a literacy gap. One of our instructors, a literacy specialist, put up a pretty shocking chart to illustrate this point:

Most of our students just aren't getting enough time reading, and when that happens they lose out on all sorts of language, vocabulary, and writing skills as well. Of course, this doesn't just have to do with the resource differences between urban and suburban schools. Plenty of reading time takes place at home. However, the sheer size of the difference in word exposure between percentiles is shocking.

Anyway, I got the perfect in-person illustration of this the other day when I got one of my struggling readers' math midterm back. It was obvious he hadn't tried, since he had just circled "A" four times and then flipped the paper over. I knew that he has trouble reading word problems, and this particular test only had word problems and directions on it. I called him over after class and told him that I knew he didn't try at all. I asked him why, and he just shrugged. So, I said:

"I'm going to ask you something, and if it's not true, please don't be mad, because I just need to make sure. If it's true, though, you need to let me know so we can figure something out. There's no shame if it is... Did you give up on this because you couldn't read the words?"

He was silent for a couple of seconds, then muttered, "There were too many words. I didn't want to do it." I told him that I understood, and that he needed to ask for help since he couldn't let his reading take away from him demonstrating how much he knew about math. We agreed to meet after school to take the test again. This time, I would read the questions and he would do the math.

After school, we sat down and I read the questions to him (this is allowed even during a test since we're supposedly only testing their math skills). He quickly answered the first two questions correctly without any hesitation, but got the other two wrong. The two he got wrong tested concepts he didn't know since he had been absent that day. I graded the test and quickly taught him the other concepts. He immediately understood and started applying the most difficult objectives (distribution of factors, doubling and halving to find products) to solve the problems immediately without any help or guidance from me.

I asked him if he understood what had just happened. By not asking for help, and not trying, he had failed a test and given people the message that he was stupid or lazy, even though he was neither of those things. He was just ashamed and afraid to ask someone for help.

The student I'm talking about is 12 years old and was just held back in 4th grade again. It's not hard to imagine him going through year after year understanding what is going on in math class, but unable to demonstrate it because of a huge literacy gap that prevents him from reading the questions on a test. It's so easy to see him get frustrated, stop paying attention, and then get labeled the lazy student who just doesn't apply himself in class.

If there's one thing I promise I won't do, it's label a student and give up on him or her. Sure, it's a lot of work, but something tells me that there's more little geniuses out there who are just about to give up because no one ever took the time to ask what was wrong, and then actually teach them something. I just think there's absolutely no reason why that should ever happen to a child.

Test Results.

At the beginning of the summer, we gave all of our students reading diagnostics. We used them to figure out what our students' "instructional reading level" (the level at which they need help to understand) was, and each student got a score within that level. The goal for them this summer was to grow by six points within the level by the end of the summer.

After we figured out what our kids' levels were, they were divided up so that they could get more pointed reading instruction on their level. I took the three lowest-performing students. One boy and one girl were reading at a first grade level, and another girl was reading at a second grade reading level. Over the next two weeks, we went over summarizing, the elements of stories, the 5 Ws (Who, What, Where, When, and Why) and how to actively read any text.

Last Thursday, we gave my group the final DRA to see how much they have grown in their original level. One girl went from a 28 to 41, the other from 23 to 37, and the boy improved from 26 to 42! I couldn't believe it when they read out loud, and when they answered my comprehension questions about plot, what they predicted would happen, the characters, and the lessons in the story. As I sat and listened to them, I thought I was going to cry because I was so proud of them.

Even though they all did a fantastic job, the boy in my group made me the happiest. He was two points off a maximum score of 44, and the reason he lost points was because he read too slowly. But, the reason he read slowly was because while he used to just guess and skip words that he didn't know before, he stopped and sounded each and every word out before moving on. Two times in the passage I saw him use his finger to cover up parts of big words, sound out the bits, and blend the parts together into a new word. He never used to do that and I taught him that!

What was even more exciting was that he misread six words, but after he read those words he realized the sentence didn't make sense and he went back to fix his mistakes on his own! To someone who is reading this entry without problems, this really doesn't sound like a big deal. But to a beginning reader, the ability to self-monitor for meaning is a HUGE step forward. By the end of the passage, he had missed only two words, for an accuracy rate of 99%.

Probably the best part of all this is that when I told those three students how well they had done, they all lit up like I have never seen them before. I could tell that they believed that they could read, that they could do well, and that if they worked hard the way they did every morning in my small reading group, they could achieve anything they wanted. Like I said, I wanted to cry. But I didn't. Come on.

Anyway, bottom line: Every child can learn. We just have to find what it is that's blocking their way forward, and then we can work to untie the knots that are keeping them back. Of course, there's so much that my three students have still to do in order to catch up next year in 5th grade. Hopefully, I'll be able to help them get the what they need from their teachers next year, and they'll be able to continue their success.

So cool.

More Than Halfway Through.

It's been a while since I've posted since it's been nonstop work since I got here. Institute has been a roller coaster. I've gone from having a great day where all of my students understood the lesson to watching every single one of them stare at me without a clue about what I was asking of them.

I'm barely keeping up with my lesson plans, and it still confuses me that they're allowing me to teach kids who are on the cusp of getting into the next grade, and that if they do not do well, they might be held back and be seriously off track for the rest of their lives. Most of the time I really don't understand how anyone can think I am a competent enough person to have this kind of responsibility. I feel like I'm failing them, and they deserve better than me.

They keep saying that it's all right since we're all new teachers and we don't have that much experience, but given how far behind some of these kids are, are we hurting more than we're helping? Our students have grown 29% in their math scores so far (we're supposed to get 100%), but I have a feeling when they get their mid-Institute test based on what I had to teach them last week, that's going to drop a LOT.

Maybe I am getting better as the weeks go by, but sometimes I get so burned out that putting everything I can into this every day means less than I know I am capable of.

All right, that's enough complaining. If there is one thing keeping me going through all this, it is that my kids all work incredibly hard. It's very clear that although some need extra help, they're all very bright students. Back to work. For them.

A Sample Schedule.

This was my day today... so far.

5:45AM Wake Up
6:45AM Breakfast
7-7:20AM Leave for School
7:20-8AM Classroom Preparation
8-12:30PM Teaching
12:45-1:15PM Leave School
1:30-2PM Go to Post Office
2-5:15PM Sessions
5:30-6:15PM Dinner
6:30-present Lesson Planning

I've finished two lesson plans. Only four more to go! Then I can edit my old one and print out all my materials for tomorrow!

What did I sign up for...?

UPDATE: The day is finally over. It is 3AM. So... 20-hour work day? Take that, I-Bankers. Now really, why don't we get PAID?

Style.

Oh yeah. One more thing.

I wore a V-neck shirt today for the first time in my life. I'm still trying to decide if I'll keep this going.

We Have Students!

School let out early today because the temperature was over 100 degrees (I heard 103), and many schools are so old they do not have air conditioning. Regardless, we taught our first lessons today. My classroom has only 15 4th graders, but they are a great group. They're all bright and eager to learn. That doesn't mean there isn't a lot of work to be done.

Over the next four weeks, we will be responsible for teaching a multiplication unit, as well as a reading and literacy unit that has 18 distinct objectives outlined already. All of our students have already taken a multiplication pre-test, and they are all finishing up their reading assessments. Keeping in mind that all of these students have already finished 4th grade once, it is more than a little striking to find out that the average score on the multiplication pre-test was 49%. Reading levels, at least by our preliminary tests, show a number of students reading at or below a 1st grade reading level, with one or two at a 4th grade level, and one reading above 4th grade.

Like I said, there is a lot of work that needs to be done over the next four weeks. But, I know that I am willing to do it, and from the looks in the students' eyes, they are ready to do it, too.

The workload and stress seems to be catching up to some people. I heard that one person quit last night out of the blue, packed up, and left. Still, looking around and talking to the people here, you hear a lot of, "Today was all right. Lots of room for improvement, though." It's nice to know that there are so many people here who just want to get better, and aren't afraid to admit they don't know everything. What a great experience this is turning out to be.

This is How Bureaucracy is Born.

I appreciate TFA trying to help us lesson plan, manage behavior, invest our students, and all of that. Really, I do. But I feel like in an effort to help us out, they're micromanaging every decision for us.

In the last few days, I have gotten forms for lesson planning, forms for thinking about lesson planning, forms for managing behavior, forms for organizing the management of behavior systems, forms for investing the students with forms for every procedure, and forms for thinking about the procedures that we need forms for. It's a little overwhelming.

But, then again, I guess if they didn't make it so painfully obvious, 99% of us wouldn't ever have thought of it. So, maybe in the end it's a good thing. It just feels ridiculous sometimes.

Smiles and Powerpoints

The people here really emphasize how little time we have with our summer school students, and it's definitely true. In the five weeks we are here, we only have 17 days of instruction in our classrooms. We need to, in this short time, help them achieve enough to move on to the next grade, since our students predominantly did NOT pass the exams required to continue.

Still, while I understand how urgent everything is, there's a strange feeling at Institute sometimes. It's as if everyone is so wound up, thinking so much about how little time we have, that they're going crazy somehow. Sometimes I feel like if something were to happen, someone in charge could just snap. Weird.

Another thing. We have a lot of training sessions every single day, and EVERY single one of them features a Powerpoint presentation. It's death by PPT. I am going to try to count the number we go through, but I don't think I can count that high.

Regardless, this is a fun experience... definitely.

The City of Brotherly Love

Today was the first full day that we had in Philadelphia at Institute.

Induction had been lot of orientation to Baltimore, paperwork, and socials to meet the other corps members. As busy as it was, it was really nothing compared to Institute. This is where the rubber meets the road, and it's intense. In the next five weeks, we're expected to become effective beginning teachers, and in one week, we're all going to get our own summer school students. To prepare us, we need to be finished with breakfast, have our lunch packed, and be on the buses by 6:30AM. We're at our schools around 7AM, and from there it's session after session, lesson after lesson (both receiving from our advisors and delivering to the students) until 4:30PM. 

Then, at night, we have additional sessions and meetings, with constant deadlines every day. We've been told we don't finish until 9-10:30PM sometimes. Take that, I-bankers. There's dinner and a workout if we're lucky somewhere in there as well. I forgot to mention that we're in professional attire in the 90+ degree Philadelphia summer heat. I'm just glad my school has AC, because there are some school groups that don't have any. 

It's very intense and high-speed, but it's actually fun. There's a sense of urgency everywhere that I haven't seen in many other places. People are excited and nervous all at the same time; proud and apprehensive about what we're doing also.

It's a strange sight when I walk out of the dining hall with lunch in the morning and see 600+ professionally dressed women and men walking together toward a fleet of yellow school buses, matching black lunch boxes over their shoulders. There's an incredible sense of mission, like we're an army (or corps... go figure) that's marching off to fight for something. I feel like I'm part of something so much bigger than myself, and it's a great feeling to know I'm here to learn, work hard, and throw myself into the fight for educational equity.

As kind of a side note since it's been on my mind for a while: There are so many things that we've discussed over the last week at Induction, and that we will be learning here at Institute that I came across during UniCamp. Every day, I'm shocked by how much of this I have a background in because of that experience, and I know that I'm always going to have a special place in my heart for camp. I know I have to keep the passion I had for UniCamp, and pour it into what I'm doing now. Here we go... what an adventure!

Why I Am Doing This

One of the speakers told us the other day that teaching is hard, and that we will want to give up at times. But, if we think about why we are really here, and if we can find the thing that drives us, that we won't let go of no matter what, we will get through it and be all right.

So, to remind myself of why I am in Baltimore with TFA, here is my application essay. If I ever am having a hard time, please help me remember this:

There is an idea in this country that all men are created equal. Walking the streets of D.C. on election night 2008 made me understand just how powerful this idea is. Of course, because Lebron James exists, I know that “created equal” really means equality before the law and a right to equal opportunity. That is enough, though, as these principles form our meritocracy. But due to the inequalities of the current educational system, many kids are denied competitive footing to run the race of life. By luck of the draw, they have opportunities taken away, and the meritocracy becomes a sham to them. It is America’s duty to fix its education system if it is to fulfill its own ideal. I hope to help by becoming a teacher and making good on our nation’s promise.

I recognize that I am more lucky than special since this nation’s promise was fulfilled for me. Though confident in my abilities, I certainly know that others could do what I am doing given the same chances that I was and am blessed with. To be where I am took a combination of hard work (not just mine alone) and a good amount of luck. Working for four years with underserved youth at UniCamp, UCLA’s official student charity, reinforced this point. The hundreds of kids I came across were all bright, enthusiastic, and full of potential. They were just not as lucky to have gone to a good public school. Dumb luck should not determine future opportunities so early in a child’s life.

If allowed the opportunity to be a part of Teach for America, I will of course understand that at day’s end I am evaluated by the numbers and on whether or not my students are learning what they need to know. However, looking back, I remember my teachers collectively as my third parent, and was fortunate to have had great ones. What they were to me is what I wish to be for my students. In addition teaching them, I hope to challenge and guide them toward a life of curiosity and learning. If I can effectively teach my students, if they realize their own potential, and if they push themselves to attain their biggest dreams, then I will have succeeded.

In the end, I am motivated by an unshakeable belief that every child deserves the opportunity to have life dictated by his or her own choices, not zip code. Luck should not have the same role in life as in the lottery. Great teachers in classrooms change that equation, and I hope to be that change. Since I am lucky enough to have been given a life of choices and opportunities, I will choose to make sure others get the same. That is why I hope to become a 2010 Teach for America corps member.

Hiring Fair Madness

Just left the Baltimore City Schools' hiring fair. It was in the basement auditorium of Muni High. There were hundreds of people there, and it was 100 degrees... at least. I was walking around like a moron in my jacket and tie, trying my best to not create a puddle everywhere I walked. After lots of lines and short conversations, I got to the front of a school I had been waiting on for an hour, and had a nice interview with them.

I'm the new 4th grade teacher at Marree G. Farring Elementary! Now I can stop sweating. Oh, wait. It's still 90 degrees out so I can't.

So excited! It's a joint position so I have a "co" teacher for half the day. Hopefully I'll be able to put some of my ideas to use, but I can't wait!

First Day.

What a grind, beginning to end.

I was good all day long. 11:50PM, I finally cried.

Hopefully, this gets easier. Fake it till you make it.

Goodbye, Los Angeles

Hello, Baltimore.

Mom told me to smile and make friends :)

Common Sense Will Outlast Anger

I read in the news today that some politicians are giving up on town
hall style meetings because they are afraid of angry Tea Partiers
making a mockery of their meeting.

If I were a politician, I would hold one anyway and stay silent as
they went on yelling, ranting, and raving. At some point they'll get
tired and leave. That's when I would say to the supporters left in the
crowd, "Our common sense, humanity, willingness to listen to, and
ability to work with each other will outlast their anger."

Then I would walk out with everyone.

What Kind of Teacher Will I Be?

This recent column in the New York Times by Stanley Fish really got me thinking about what kind of teacher I want to, or can, be in Baltimore. How can I integrate all of the foundations that he talks about into my curriculum? Will I be allowed to try? What restrictions will this new shift towards standards and testing have on my ability to give my students a full education? Most importantly, does this argument even matter at the elementary level?

There are so many things that go into being an effective teacher, and I haven't even had my first attempt at accomplishing the bare minimum. It's so nerve-wracking that someone will actually give me human beings to teach.

Last Week of School

The last week of school is pretty awful. No one is teaching, no one is
learning. I feel really useless.

Guests from Kazakhstan

I'm hosting a couple of Kazakhs that I met through CouchSurfing for a couple of days while they get settled in Los Angeles.

I thought that they were just here to hang out and see LA, but when I picked them up and asked them what they wanted to do, they told me that they wanted to find an apartment and start working to get rich in America. One of them left Kazakhstan and didn't bother to tell his family that he wasn't planning on going back if everything worked out. His dream was to come to America, go to UCLA or USC or CSULA or some university and play American football.

Honestly, I didn't know what to say to him. I thought he had literally brought a backpack to LA and was going to try to make everything work before his visa expired. He said he would just get it transfered to a student visa, but I knew that he still had to take tests and the timing wouldn't work because no one is accepting until next year. It sounded absolutely crazy.

They were so excited to be in Los Angeles, and kept talking about how much everyone wanted to be in America. It was incredibly eye-opening to see and hear someone talk about this country like that, especially since everywhere I turn I only hear about how this place is falling apart. Still, he told me that he isn't worried because they work hard, and "we will be okay." That kind of optimism is inspiring, and I realized that it is something I have a hard time finding now.

The most jarring part of the evening, though, came during dinner at Denny's (if my uncle is reading this, he will find their choice of "American" cuisine funny). The two of them had been talking wide-eyed about all the things they wanted to do in this country, and how great it was for them to be here now. One of them turned to me and asked, "What is your dream?" That's when I realized that I couldn't answer. "But everyone needs to have a dream." I really didn't know.

What does that mean for me? Do I really have no dreams anymore? Am I wandering through life without knowing where I am or where I'm going? Or, am I on the way to my dream already and waiting for it to start in a few weeks? Am I just waiting for life to give me some answers? Not knowing what it is worries me just a little bit.

We went out today to look for an apartment (mission accomplished), car (what a ridiculous adventure, but still looking), and jobs for the two Kazakhs. I'll give them the information for SAT and TOEFL test dates, college application deadlines, bus schedules, and help point them in the right direction. They have about $1,000, a couple of friends, and a sense of adventure. But most importantly, they also have a dream.

I wonder if I could ever be that brave. Maybe I should be, or maybe I kind of am but just don't believe it. In any case, just like the Kazakhs, who I might not ever see again after tomorrow, I have a feeling that "we will be okay."

What a Difference a Day Makes...

I taught another lesson on Friday (on charts, tallies, data, and outcomes), and it was SO much better.

A lot of the problems I had Tuesday got fixed, although there was a lot more sitting around for the students. The big difference between the two teachers, though, was that the first one wanted me to follow the book, while the other one let me do what I wanted as long as I got the point of the lesson across.

Maybe that was the problem the first time. I tried to tie the book in with what I thought the students would understand, and it came out all confusing and inefficient. So, then, what is the correct balance, or what should I do next time this happens?

Still so much to learn!

Teaching for the First Time

That was frightening.

I didn't recap well, and forgot to check for understanding. I didn't do a great job of teaching conversions, and didn't emphasize comparisons. Also, the beginning activity was hard to lead and I was kind of floundering along with the comparison to standard units. Lastly, I'm not sure that they really understood the vocabulary of the lesson and the abbreviations.

I have a lot of work to do.

By the way, it is extremely difficult to figure out how quickly to move when there are so many different skill levels in one classroom. And classroom management is really, really tricky.

They're really going to give me a classroom of my own? SERIOUSLY?

More Adventures in Maturity

A third grade girl asked me today, "Why do you act like an elementary school kid?"
-"What?"
-"You act like an elementary school kid! You play all the games with us!"
-"So? I like the games. And I can be serious sometimes."
-"No, I don't like that. You have a lot of humor. I'm going to call you Elementary School Kid from now on."
-"I like Mr. Lyu."
-"No, Elementary School Kid."
-"Fine," I say as I catch the basketball from another student. "If I make this shot you're all going to be my best friends forever!" Brick.
-"Never mind, you're going to be Uncool Elementary School Kid."
-"OK."

I'm supposed to be teaching their class about meters and kilometers tomorrow (Yeah, their teacher is trusting me to teach an actual lesson!). They all seem pretty excited. I hope I don't blow it. Otherwise, I'll be Super-Uncool Elementary School Kid.

Things That are Better-Written Than This Blog

Here are some interesting articles about teaching and education that have come out recently (or kind of recently):

• "I Am Not a Babysitter" by Heather Robinson in Newsweek (October 11, 2008)
• "What Makes a Great Teacher?" by Amanda Ripley in The Atlantic (January/February 2010)
• "Building a Better Teacher" by Elizabeth Green in The New York Times Magazine (March 2, 2010) 
• "Why We Must Fire Bad Teachers" by Evan Thomas and Pat Wingert in Newsweek (March 6, 2010)
• "Bad Teachers: Reform Them or Retire Them?" by Elizabeth Green and Evan Thomas in Newsweek (March 10, 2010)
• This article is a debate between the authors of "Building a Better Teacher" and "Why We Must Fire Bad Teachers."
• "The Patron Saint (and Scourge) of Lost Schools" by Jeff Coplon in New York Magazine (April 25, 2010)

Enjoy! Happy thinking!

Test Time!

All if the teachers are spending a couple hours each day going over
past end-of-year exams. It's kind of boring (and by "kind of" I mean
"really, extremely" boring). This is the downside of standardized
testing... I can only imagine how much worse it is at low-income
schools.

Am I Missing Something?

The principal held a meeting with all of the recess/lunch supervisors this morning to discuss the "situation with the 5th graders."

According to her, the 5th graders are going through senioritis in a big way. There has been a recent rash of inappropriate behavior, requiring drastic action by all of us. Here are the inappropriate behaviors:

• Last Friday at an afterschool event, two fifth graders spit on a girl.
• Two kids had weaponlike items (nail files) and someone said they were threatening to use them.
• Some boys were tackling and choking each other at recess.
• Kids are playing Truth or Dare at recess, and a kid ate dirt.
• Some kids are "dry humping" each other.
• People have been reported kissing.
• Kids say they're going to the library or bathroom, but they just end up wandering or walking slowly.
• They don't play anymore, they're just loitering in groups.

The prescribed response to all these issues is for all of us recess/lunch monitors is to "act like you're prison guards. Get your rifles out. Groups are a no-no. Break them up. Hurry them along. Tell them to play sports. But only certain sports on certain days. Again, congregating is not allowed. We need to get tough. It's prison out there. Get your rifles out."

I wish I were making up the employed simile but I'm not.

OK, I'm not saying all of this behavior is excusable. But I think only numbers one, six, and perhaps two are concerning. Interestingly, the principal said the kissing is something they're used to, and the rest is new and more concerning.

So, why am I not concerned about the tackling? I watch the 5th graders and about a week ago started seeing boys joking around with each other and either fake fighting, play wrestling, or falling all over each other playing tag. I pulled the boys out and talked to all the 5th graders, saying that I know it's not mean spirited or aggressive, and that I know they're just having a good time. But, they had to understand that it's not appropriate behavior for school. I had to come down "hard" on a few boys two more times, but that behavior has stopped.

As for the other issues?

• Truth or Dare is a game. It can become inappropriate, but it is a game. A kid ate dirt. That is weird and it shows a lack of common sense. Both are conversations, perhaps with the whole grade.
• "Dry humping" is the 5th grade tattletale translation for a girl/boy hugging another girl/boy and lifting them up into the air.
• Watch recess intently, and they won't be able to sneak off to smooch. And what is wrong with walking slowly? Or not playing with a ball at recess?

Again, I'm not excusing this behavior, and I'm not saying nothing should be done. But, there are definitely problems with the adult response to it, and it's because of two factors:

1. Everything that's being acted upon is coming from people telling on other people. I'm not saying the kids are lying, but 5th graders don't always paint the most accurate picture. "He/She said" should be taken with a grain of salt (this is why I question #2).
2. These are issues of 5th graders (10-11 year old kids) not understanding what is appropriate and inappropriate for school (or perhaps outside of school for that matter), and not having the most common sense. But they're 5th graders. Come on.

Knowing this, why is the adult response to go on lockdown and punish the kids (today 40 kids were told to sit on the blacktop for 30 minutes in silence) without having them understand WHY the adults are concerned? The principal said that we can loosen up if they behave better, but what is behaving better? Complete silence? Without talking to them, how are they ever going to know what is appropriate and inappropriate?

By all means, move someone to the bathroom to watch the area. By all means, address those who spat, those who tackled, those who kiss and hug, and those who threaten to use nail files. But address them by having them understand WHY. Address the issue by having everyone understand that question. Otherwise, the kids aren't going to figure it out, and the grownups are just going to be mad that they can't.

It's elementary school. It's recess. I can imagine few things that are more unlike prison.

UPDATE: I found out this afternoon that recess at the other school I work at has implemented the following rules: no imaginary play, no sitting alone, no running, no dancing, no screaming, and you must play with a ball. Oh, and "no walking around" is under consideration. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?